Detach to Really Help your Clients

As life coaches, we always want to see our clients reach success with their goals.  For, when they do, we feel better about our abilities to coach people.  In a perfect world, all of our clients succeed.  However, in reality, not all of them do.  And when we allow ourselves to become attached to their outcomes, we inherently place limits and judgments on ourselves – even though it has nothing to do with us personally.

Many life coaches who haven’t yet learned the value of detaching may find themselves claiming ownership of the things their clients do or don’t do – or even taking on a certain role with them that isn’t necessarily healthy or helpful.  If you find yourself obsessively thinking about your client(s) and how to help him or her if everything you’ve already tried isn’t working, then you are attached.  And you may even be teetering on the edge of becoming enabling, as opposed to helpful.  If you’ve carefully  created a program for them to follow easily and your client isn’t sticking with it, it does not mean that you’re a bad coach or that what you’re doing isn’t working.  Rather, it means they’ve chosen not to do the work they must do – and that has nothing to do with you!

Although it may seem counterintuitive, the best life coaches out there have reached their success by developing the ability to detach from their clients.  Whether they do the work or do not do the work, it has nothing to do with us.  To think otherwise is an act from our ego.  We simply cannot take responsibility for nor claim anything our clients do, no matter if it’s positive or negative. Being overly attached to the outcomes clouds better judgment and actually stands in the way of being that ‘safety net’. Sure, the biggest reason you became a life coach was to help people navigate the choppy seas of life. I know I did. However, being emotionally attached to the outcomes is not going to help them, and not going to help us, the caregivers.

It’s simple really, not only is detachment important for your client’s progress, it is also vital to your own health.  When we become attached to these outcomes, we ultimately judge ourselves and our efficacy as a coach.  Beyond that, attachments can become very emotionally and mentally draining, which, in turn, can affect our physical health.  To maintain our balance and sanity, we should strive to be as attachment-free as possible.

If you’re struggling to do this, try to view everything more objectively.  If you’re thinking about something and you become flooded with thoughts or emotions about it, practice examining these thoughts and emotions without putting any value on them (negative or positive).  See them, notice them, and then accept them as they are and let them pass.  Put distance between whatever’s in front of you and your emotions and thought processes.  You can practice this just about anywhere – while watching television, listening to music, surfing social media, family dinners, etc.  And you know what they say: practice makes perfect!

I have found that actually meditating to cut off the cords of mental attachment work wonders for me. Regardless of your good intentions and complete devotion to the person in front of you, a coach, a mental health caregiver will be prone to negative energy. It’s therefore extremely recommended that you continually cleanse your energy centers in the form of ‘golden light meditation’ or balancing your chakras, all of which you will find on my website, curated especially keeping the high octave work that we do in mind.

The key here, is to be emotionally resilient for yourself as a coach, and yet be empathetically available for your clients to ensure you don’t alienate them. Emotional Exhaustion can be detrimental to both. Meditation and renewal are the only ways you can ensure you don’t allow yourself ‘emotional burnout’.